One night a friend asked his handicapped son,

"Daniel, when you see Jesus looking at you, what do you see in his eyes?"

After a long pause, the boy replied, "His eyes are filled with tears, Dad."

Now it was his father's turn to hesitate: "Why, Dan?"

An even longer pause. "Because He is sad."

"And why is He sad?"

Daniel stared at the floor. When he looked up, his eyes were rimmed with tears.

"Because I'm afraid."

It's not supposed to be like that. God never meant for us to be afraid. "There is no room in love for fear," John says. "Well formed-love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life- fear of death, fear of judgment - is one not yet fully formed in love."

It breaks God's heart that we are afraid of Him, afraid of life, afraid of each other, afraid of ourselves.

In the end, it breaks God's heart that we run from Him instead of to Him when we fail.

"What makes us human is not our mind but our heart,

                        not our ability to think but our ability to learn."

                                                                                                   -         Henry Nouwen

If God speaks at all in this world, it is into our everyday personal lives.

In searching for God, many people tend to look for the miraculous and supernatural.

 

Instead, we should be attending to the ordinary: waking and sleeping and above all, dreaming, what we remember and what we forget, what makes us smile and what makes us cry, what delights and what depresses us.

 

In the most commonplace events of a day, God speaks, and it's up to us, to be willing to be still, and to hear the still voice of God.

 

            Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it.

 

            Because in the last analysis, all moments are key moments..

 

..and life itself is grace.

One day, a one ringgit bill and a hundred ringgit bill got folded together and began talking about their life experiences.

The hundred ringgit bill began to brag:

"I've had a great life," he said. "I've been to all the big hotels, Anwar Ibrahim himself used me in a casino, I've been in the wallets of MAS Airline board members, I've flown from one end of the country to the other! I've even been in the wallet of two Prime Ministers of Malaysia, and once when Jacky Cheung visited the here, he used me to buy a packet of gum."

In awe, the dollar humbly responded, "Gee, nothing like that has ever happened to me, ...but I have been to church a lot!"

OUCHH!!!  how much did you give to your church today?

I must blog this, I find it really odd. People get their inspirations from other people, some get inspirations from their devotions, some through events, etcetera etcetera... while, I get my inspirations from, of all places, the toilet -_-

Yup, 2006.

After a brilliant start to the new year, out of the blue, personal struggles, stress, the burden of responsibilities, spiritual attacks all hit me, and at the same time. Quite a number of issues then struck me left me dumbfounded, confused, weary, and tired.

Welcome to 2006, Mr. Ong Kay Jin.

Personally, I had a great 2005. I believe and I foresee a very tough and difficult 2006 ahead of me.

Despite so, I know, deep within me, 2005 is the springboard, the platform, the foundation which will propel me through all the struggles I face this year. All the skills I have acquired throughout the last year will be severely tested this year.

Nevertheless, I really want to thank everyone who has been supporting me and encouraging me through these times, without you all, I won't be what I am today.

Oh, and did I mention, God has been hitting something on me in a very hard manner for the past few weeks. Hence, it's definitely going to be my main resolution for the year. It comes from a song from City Harvest Church, Heart after You:

"I just want to be, more like You,
Walk with You beside me,
Lord, won't You be my guide,
Place Your heart, inside my soul,
A heart that's ever true,
One that's after You."

Been listening to this song and God has been emphasizing this to me so much that I can only be a fool if I miss what He's trying to say.

All I can say is: No to me, and Yes to You.

Friends, please do pray for me... that God may mould me, shape me, and guide me into His ways.

For I know, I am transformed to conform.

Please forgive me, and bear with me if I have disappointed you, hurt you, upset you in my acts of commission and omission. And I thank you for everything that you have done, yes, you who is reading this.

Some may delight me, some may hurt me, but no matter what, whatever you have done or whatever you are going to do was already meant to be. You meant to harm me, but God used that for His glory.

Most of all, thank You Jesus, for everything. From my friends to family, brothers and sisters, I sincerely thank You.

In the upcoming storms and battles, deserts and flood, thank You Lord for them, for I know,

"...Your hope in the LORD, 
 for with the LORD is unfailing love 
 and with him is full redemption."
Psalm 130:7

I hope this post has blessed you as much as it has blessed me!

Till next time, take care and God bless!

Signing off,
Kay Jin

I can hardly believe how much things can change within me.
It's the first day of 2006 and I am actually struggling to decide whether I should go to church or not.

Yes, friends, especially to those who know me, struggling about this issue is so-not-Kay-Jin right?

If it were to be in the past, I'd be the first person who'd jump out of bed run to church, if it's near enough, that is.

Especially when City Harvest Church is having a special New Year service for families, and when my parents are in KL which my dad is not a Christian, I can get them to church instead of hesitating!

Text-ed mum. Asked whether the family can go church or not. Oh, she called, and they were never in KL at the first place. That explains why they didn't call me yesterday. Usually they call when they are in KL.

Sigh, actually wanted to visit Pauline's church, "Jesus loves Christian Fellowship" in Subang today, but I got a sms in the morning saying that their church will not be having service today.

Another possible plan was to go to Stefanie's church in Cheras, and then meet up with some friends whom I've not met for a very, very long time. But she's having some personal issues and wouldn't want to trouble her to come all the way here. I didn't want to bother her, so that plan was ultimately cancelled. Have to pray for her.

Sigh, not having any transport to go anywhere is killing. I'm giving excuses and I know I'm talking more than putting in any effort to go to church anyway. Andrew's concern of me not being able to attend church consistently was justified after all.

Somehow I'll find a way, the beginning of the year 2006 is just too good not to let God be involved in it. Especially when its on the Sabbath

Anyhow, I hope I can do my reflection of 2005 here asap. In the meantime,

BLESSED NEW YEAR 2006 TO EVERYONE
THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF KAY JIN'S AWESOME 2005!

那一天
那一刻,
雖然我站在茫茫的人群當中
我卻覺得很單獨
很孤單

或許那一刻
是上天要我看見的
但
我仍然不敢相信
不但是我這一雙眼
更不敢接受
在我面前所看到的一切

一切的希望
夢想
理想
一切希望能夠在事實實現的夢
都狠狠的被
眼前的事實
真正的事實
打碎

 想忘記　卻又更想念
 愈想念　我無法入眠
 沒有你　還有甚麼在身邊
 分開心 甘情願
 為何又　魂縈夢牽

 一絲絲　一點點　你的記憶
 一聲聲　一句句　浮現心底
 怎麼捨得你　就這樣永遠分離
 愛一生　差一線　不能一起
 等一天　等一年　忘掉自己
 卻忘不了你　說放棄
 但深愛你

 。。。

 我真的好傻

"Consider the lilies, how they grow, they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you?”

Luke 12:24-28

Hereby I proclaim again, that Jesus shall provide my NEEDS.

*Sorry guys, I removed the chatbox area.. if there is comments or if you want to say hi, please do so at the comments area. Thanks*

02 December 2005

8.30pm-9.15pm

Dear Lord Jesus,

It has been such a long time since I last cried.
It has been such a long time since I last wept, sobbed with all of my heart.
The streams of tears that flowed unceasingly... just like waterfall that you have created.
In such splendour, such wonder!

And these tears are no simple tears.
These are tears of weariness.. of burden.. of sorrow.. of pain..
Not only for my own selfish self, but for others as well.

Wounds that scars deeply into the depth of my heart,
That cut sharply into the center of my soul.

Issues,
Many issues have been on my mind lately.
Relationships, friendships, financial desperation, studies, mental lackness, physical taxation, the guilt, the church, the nation, the thoughts, burdens, responsibilities..

Finally have taken a toll on me.

Maybe I wasn't supposed to bear them at the first place.

Maybe I relied on myself too much.

You can quote a thousand Scriptures but as long as you are not walking closely with Him, Jesus doesn't know you. In fact, He doesn't WANT to know you.

I'm sorry to all of you guys out there..
the neglect, the harsh words, the impure thoughts, the arrogance, the scarcasm that I may have put unto you, directly or indirectly..

You know who you are.

All I can say is, I'm sorry.. I'm far from perfect. I seek forgiveness from you, yes, you who are reading this.

I'm still trying my very best to be more like Jesus. To give Him every part of my life, my heart, my soul.

To devote myself entirely to Him.

If my efforts in doing so doesn't please you, or offends you, I'm truly sorry, I can't comply to your wishes, because I choose Jesus above all other.

Because He decided to die for me, above everything.

And I want to let you know, and if you are a child of God, I would love to remind you.

He died for you because He loved, and He still loves you, exceedingly, abundantly, above all.

That's the path I choose to take, because He chose to die for me.

And my life is entirely Yours.

Thank You for touching me. Again.
Thank You for never, ever giving up on me.
Thank You for touching me in ways I would never deem possible.
Thank You for the tears of which I wept... for turning a simple guitar playing session into a session of wholehearted worship.

I want to be more like You, all I want is more of You.

Above all,
Jesus, thank You for being You.

Thank You for seeing me, through it all.

"I'll sing to You Lord,
a hymn of love,
for Your faithfulness to me,
I'm carried in,
Everlasting love,
You'll never let me go,
Through it all"

Yes Lord, through it all.

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